Have you ever caught a reflection of yourself that startled you? You know, like when you open up the camera on your phone and it’s flipped around to show your face or walk past a mirror in your house and wonder when that old lady walked in. It seems this is happening more and more to me lately. Yes, the sands of time have found their way into my crow’s feet, laugh lines and brow creases and I don’t like it one bit. This seems to be a commonality most women have. I’d love to blame the media for force feeding us endless images of youth and beauty, and though there may be a tiny bit of truth to that, I honestly just miss my younger face, the one I took for granted that would always be there, the one that went to bed after a night out in FULL make up without a second thought or the one that skipped the sunscreen more times than can be counted. Oh, if only I could go back in time and realize then what I know now. Even if it didn’t change my current appearance much, at least at this point I would feel like I did everything I could do. But since I don’t have a DeLorean and a mad scientist, I cannot reverse the hands of time. No, all I can do is what I should have done years ago and that’s take better care of my face. I don’t want to look 18 because that would just be creepy. I just want to look how I feel…21! Ok, 25 😉 Plastic surgery and Botox are options I’m not even willing to entertain yet. Yet! Some of the drastic plastic results in Hollywood are all but flat out mortifying. In an industry where facial expression is a vital part of their craft, it’s hard to tell if some actors are happy, sad or even awake because they can no longer close their eyes when they sleep!! Ca-REEPY!!!
I recently read that women in medieval times would ingest arsenic and dab on bats’ blood to improve their complexions. (Seems reasonable). Americans in the 18th-century coveted the warm urine of young boys to erase their freckles. (Sounds perfectly logical). And lastly, Victorian ladies would have their ribs removed to give themselves a tiny waist (Sign me up). All sarcasm aside, the desire to be beautiful is as old as civilization, as is the pain that it can cause. In current times, many celebs are getting bird poop facials (Victoria Beckham), detoxifying their blood with leech therapy (Demi Moore) and ingesting their own placenta (January Jones) all for the promise of the fountain of youth?! HOLD THE PHONE! Oh hell naw, girlfriend! I’m not eating that—I don’t give a damn! Fact: When desperation arises there seems to be no limit to where we will go to achieve desired results. The question is what defines desperation for you? For me, it’s eating placenta, for you it might be leech therapy. If tomorrow, they discover that ear wax from a goat fed only by grass grown from the north side of a sunny hill erased wrinkles, don’t think for a minute that I wouldn’t be calling around town to buy a goat and preparing his new beautiful home on the north side of my back yard because I might. I just might.
It is a fact that a healthy diet and physical fitness will change your body for the better. OK, well MOST of your body. Yes my breasts used to be a 34C and now they’re a 34 Long but I can just roll them up into a bra and be on my way to the gym and you none the wiser (until now), but once time begins to march across your face there is nothing you physically can do on your own. NOTHING! You now have to buy STUFF, lots of stuff. Serums, lotions and gels, oh my! The choices are dizzying, the reviews, conflicting. The results? Well, they are minimal at best. Even knowing this, the market for health and beauty products is a billion dollar a year industry, and by 2017, that number is projected to skyrocket to the trillions…TRILLIONS. So my question to you is would you like to purchase some goat ear wax? I heard the results are AMAZING!!